You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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