No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
