dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
