I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
