I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
