I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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