That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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