that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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