someone threw a dead crab at me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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