Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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