I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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