I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
