i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
