i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
