Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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