he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
