you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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