hell yes lets make some ravioli
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
