I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
