i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
