so explain again why im purple
no
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
