her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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