I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
