I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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