Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
