But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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