He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
