man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
