I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
