I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
