Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
