Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
