angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
