I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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