Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
