if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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