I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
