your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
