I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
