dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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