True but thats because hes a fetus.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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