I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
