The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
