Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
