i jhust puked up my retainher.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
