I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
