He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
