just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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