When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
