the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
