Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
