just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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