I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
