I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
